Wednesday, November 12, 2008

...How Does Your Garden Grow?

I have a black thumb. I admit it. I kill plants, I'm a horticultural's not that I want to be or try to be; I'm just naturally gifted at being ungifted naturally. Over the years, many a plant has met its demise through my hands. There were the ferns who ended their pathetic lives on the porch, wilted and brown. The sundry varieties of tomato plants that produced one small sickly tomato, unfit for consumption by man or beast. The Forget-Me-Nots that never grew enough to forget in the first place, scads of others...RIP. The one plant I've managed to keep alive, my forsaken little rose bush, has been through the ringer...burned, frozen, flooded, even run over by a truck! I count its survival to its own will to live, because I surely haven't been any help to it. There's a metaphor for life in there somewhere...but I think Bret Michaels already wrote about that... Despite these past forays into failure, I am however, the eternal optimist. I always imagine my future efforts will be more fruitful than futile, but seemingly
my delusions of grandure...i.e

are always brought back to inevitable reality...i.e

Now, my purpose for writing this isn't simply to confess my horrific crimes of floracide. It's because, yesterday, as I walked into the office, I was informed that there was half a truckload of flower bulbs for the taking in the warehouse. This is not that unusual of a circumstance actually. We often get freebies at work from various are a few in my collection: iron furniture, a fireplace mantle, umbrellas, jumper cables, 40 pairs of socks, a George Foreman Grill (knock out the fat!) and much, much more. Well, never one to pass up a bargain and always sure that the next time will yield better results, I sauntered back to the loading bay. Imagine my delight as there were literally thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of bulbs back there and people were grabbing them by the box full! Everyone scrambling to procure the finest assortment of Spring's future glory. I gathered up a fairly small box and shoved it full of tulips, daffodils, irises, hyacinth, and various other future disappointments. $200 worth of bulbs later, I was back at my desk, dreaming of trowels and miracle grow...because trust me, it'll take a miracle. a baby supposed to be involved?

I suppose next comes the planting and the sooner, the better. Funny how flowers can smell so sweet while the bulbs smell...well, not so sweet. Actually, they smell rather strongly of uric acid. That's right...pee, they smell like pee. Now, I didn't discover this little secret in the large open warehouse, no, no, I didn't find this out until I let them sit in my car for a few hours while I finished out the they my car...reeking of my car. That was not a pleasant ride home. What is it though, we all suffer for beauty? Well, hopefully anyway! Come Spring, I'm hoping to update this blog with pictures of glorious flowers blooming forth in all their natural glory...but, until then, I'm not holding my breath...well, unless I'm driving.

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