Bahama Mamas

What goes better with Thanksgiving than cold weather, good times with family, and a meal that could feed a third world country for a month? Turns out a cruise to the Bahamas ranks right up there. That's right! After the traditional family gorge-a-thon, my sister and I packed our bags and headed out to sunny Port Canaveral to hop aboard Royal Caribbean's Monarch of the Seas. (Now, I'll spare you the details of the drive, which included my brother-in-law, niece, and nephew...all in all, a lot of fun, until taco bell got involved.) After parting ways with the fam , Rhonda and I drove on down to the ship...there she floated in all her glory...ready to take on a fresh herd of cattle load of passengers!


The beautiful Monarch of the Seas anchored off Coco Cay

Once aboard we did what any good cruiser does...we headed to the trough er, buffet. Now, that doesn't mean we ate an entire pizza topped with hamburgers. You see, a cruise ship ain't Vegas and what happens on a cruise ship often doesn't stay on the cruise ship. Yeah, I'm talking poundage. Really, the veggies, seafood, and fruit were the best offerings anyway, so we had our fill of that while everyone else loaded up on deep fried mashed potatoes and butter cheese bacon fritters. Although, I'd give somebody's right arm to have the recipe for that lamb curry!

I decided against eating that brown fried...thing.

"Comedy's a dead art form...now tragedy...that's funny!" -Bender.
Humor was the order of the day on the Monarch. The ship offered two different comedians, both of which were actually extremely funny. I'll admit I wasn't holding out a lot of hope, but yes, my sides actually ached from laughing. The acts ran the comedy gauntlet from impressions to race relations... "Hey, I have a white friend! See white people, do you see how stupid that sounds?" Nice. The final night, the singers and dancers performed...I love the production numbers, as does Rhonda...she's a former musical theater gal and I'm just a big ham that loves the spotlight...nothing like living vicariously. We sat there and sang-a-long and judged the choreography and cheered when those high notes were landed.

This girl glowed...literally. Every single picture I took of her, she's literally phosphorescent!

Ports of call...
This was a short cruise and we only had two ports of call, but once you've seen one tropical island, you've seen them all...or so I hear...I'd like to find out for myself. Nassau was fine, we really didn't explore the city itself, we tendered over to Paradise Island and toured the Atlantis Hotel. The aquarium was really the highlight of the tour and the gorgeous Dale Chihuly glass sculptures. The aquarium housed giant Manta rays, huge sawfish, serious looking...tuna? and some piranha that looked as if they'd like to have you over for some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Chihuly's "The Sun"

Glowing Jellyfish...friends of the singer on the ship?

Hello Clarice...

After the "Atlantis experience," we walked around the island a bit, played in the surf, realized we hadn't eaten since breakfast, many, many, many hours earlier and decided to head back to the ship...besides, we didn't want to miss the dance party. I'll start with dinner and work my way back to dance party. Rhonda and I enjoy the formal dining room for dinner...there's just something nice about having someone pull out your chair for you, drape your napkin in you lap, and offer you more bread than all of France on Bastille day. The meals were fine...nothing spectacular, nothing bad...but this isn't about the food...it's more about the company. Our dinner companions seemed nice enough...a slightly older couple, well traveled, well read...a medical researcher and former Secret Service agent. We enjoyed them, even if ...we'll just call him "Mr. Smith" was a bit of a bloviater. All was well...until "Mr. Smith" announced that he just didn't like "the black people." How do you even respond to that?!? I sat there slack jawed...Rhonda, wide eyed...we listened to a few more of his absurd assumptions about various subjects, said our goodbyes and left in a state of complete confoundation. He also hated our "lazy, unambitious, bum of a...." kayak excursion leader...if that was his definition of a lazy, unambitious bum, where do I sign up?

Apparently the people of 422 preferred a more casual setting.

Speaking of kayak guy, whose name I can't recall, but he did have a lovely South African accent. *sigh!* He was a resident of our other port of call, Royal Caribbean's private island "Coco Cay." It was a beautiful island...gorgeous clear water, white sugar sand, and hammocks on every tree. We proceeded to our excursion station and took up our paddles and life vests for a nice relaxing kayak tour...or so we thought. Turns out Neptune had other plans...what started out as calm seas with clear waters quickly turned into 3-4 foot waves and gray skies...and I'll admit, a heck of a lot of fun. I've only kayaked in Alaska a few times and it was never in rough water so this was a new adventure...especially when Rhonda and I took a (I'm gonna say "rogue wave" for the dramatic effect) rogue wave that knocked us clear out of the boat! We were out a couple hundred yards from the shore, but the water was still only waist level and warm. Sadly, there was a casualty...my old secondary digital camera...tucked into my life vest for a few fun shots...little did I know the wrath of the ocean...she be a harsh mistress indeed.

The last picture my little camera ever took. Godspeed little C340 easyshare...Godspeed.

The rest of the time on the island consisted of us proving we fail at hammocking (I declare that a word.) how we do not fail at falling asleep on beach chairs, a nature walk, and lunch. Lunch...a beach bbq, very nice, ribs, chicken, regular fare...and cookies. I decided I wanted a cookie and surprisingly, there was only one left when I got up there, well lucky me...or so I thought. As I reached for the tongs, I see a puffy, red nailed hand practically lunge at the tray, grab the tongs and snatch the last cookie. I stood there in a mix of confusion and irritation (did I mention I really like cookies?) as this woman, this garish, badly permed, cookie stealing woman looks at me and says "*sigh* It's not even what I wanted" as she shoves it in her mouth akin to a blue furry monster that could tell you how to get to Sesame Street. I whisper under my breath as she lumbers off, "well, it's what some of us wanted." Oh well...better on her hips than mine.


I'm convinced this is what I was meant to do.

Now that's entertainment!
...and we're back at dance party. We walked into the main stairway of the ship, a huge spiraling thing descends from all directions, each tier was packed with people clapping and shouting and staring down at the bottom level of the landing. In that landing was cruise director Chris, sporting a huge afro and sunglasses, also in attendance was a glittered up, singing, dancing sailor, more afro wig wearers, and the YMCA boys. Well, Rhonda and I stealthily maneuvered our way into the thick of things, and before I knew it, I was dancing with a greased up policeman, Rhonda with the sailor, and then, sailor, she, and I started what would become the second oddest conga line I've ever been privileged to join. Speaking of conga lines...this brings me to "Quest." Quest was the late night game show on the ship and while Rhonda and I chose not to participate, we did decide to watch. C.D. Chris was there again, sans afro wig. This time he would call out commands to teams and they'd race to be the first to show him what he wanted..."a man with his pants on backwards," or, "a thong! '...very nice ladies, but all I was looking for was a flip-flop'." At the end of this game, 20 grown men wearing women's ..."attire" congaed around the lounge...without question, the #1 most interesting conga line in which I was not involved!

Here's the main staircase from which I believe everyone on the ship watched our dance party...

...and here's a bad photo with our glittery companion post conga line!


In the end, it was great to spend time with my sister. Given that she's 17 years older than me, we didn't really get the chance to grow up together so...carpe diem, because that's what we've got...and that pretty much sums up the most interesting parts of the trip...the rest was packing, leaving, and the desire to avoid all the things of Monday that loomed on the horizon.

I'm not still here why?

...and then there was Alaska

Well, here I am in the bright, shiny, new world of blogging. I suppose in a way this is like a personal diary...for all the world to see. I don't really know why anyone else would care to read the random ramblings of a quirky southern girl but if perchance you would...welcome aboard.

When I woke up this morning, it was the first time I've slept through the night in two weeks. Why you ask? I don't know, but I think it might have something to do with my most recent trip to Alaska. Something about that place just sticks with me...and the fact that this was a monumentally epic trip makes returning to the ordinary part of my extraordinary life much, much harder.

This was my second trip to that great land this year...the first being this July and also an adventure of magnificently epic proportions. The interior did not disappoint...but that's a blog for another day.

Most recently however, was simply for grins and shenanigans with my best friend in the southeast of AK. When we get a hankerin' for some good ol' fashioned glacial kayaking, cold water snorkeling, crab boat riding, eagle watching fun, we vacate the standard issue surroundings, pack the thermal shirts and the formal gowns and head out west to hop aboard the Celebrity Mercury. This was our sophomore season on the Mercury and just as the first trip two years ago, nothing but good times were had. We made new friends and saw old ones...who regardless of the thousands of passengers that passed through the gangways...remembered us as if we'd never left. We laughed, we ate, we drank, we flirted, we danced the night away. We adored the crew, especially our fabulous waiters Dragan and Serdar, they returned the favor. I won (for a night) $7000 worth of diamonds to drape around my neck. We dared to plunge our bodies into the glacial waters of the Hubbard for the polar bear challenge. We did ever so much more than could be listed in one little blog...and this is just on the ship.

Now, let me regress juuuuust a little. We decided to spend a little time in Seattle before we bolted for our departure in Vancouver. It was the best of times...it was the...well, not the worst of times, but surely strange. Our first night in town, things didn't go exactly as planned and Jenny and I ended up walking the entire length of the city, finding ourselves at the Space Needle around 2 in the morning. We fearfully appreciated the random cat calls and whistles from various cars and narrowly avoided an SUV of what I'm assuming were nefarious scoundrels, who took it upon themselves to be our personal taxi service...no thanks. Sketchy areas of Seattle at night...not the safest venture, but well...at least it's a story. After bumming around for a bit and finding no suitable fun we bussed back to our hotel...but not before being treated to the delightful sight of a drunken man peeing in the alley. Oh Seattle! The next day however, was much, much better.

Through what I would describe as, ridiculous circumstances, I've been fortunate enough to come to know a few of the fisherman from "Deadliest Catch;" even more fortunate to have done some graphic design work for a couple of the boats. Well, Jenny, myself, and a couple of other friends headed down to the Pacific fisherman's terminal to see the ones I knew and meet the ones I didn't. Since they only had about a week before they left out for Dutch it was very nice of them to take the time. Hellos, hugs, and how are ya's were all exchanged. We toured around the Wizard (again for me), I hit my head hard enough to make me curse. Jenny "charted the crab"; and we all wondered and marveled at Arket's multi colored shoes. Lunch took place at The Matador where many photos and videos were taken...then we all dispersed to our random destinations. Jenny, myself, and our friends poked along in Pike Place Market and downtown Ballard, seeing all the things and doing all the things you do at Pike Place Market and downtown Ballard. Good times. Later that night, it was out with a couple of the Wizard guys, a friend of theirs and friend of ours for good conversation at some local watering hole. The next morning was off to Vancouver so I end this little regression and rejoin your Alaskan adventure, already in progress.

Now, let's talk about port. We visited Ketchikan, Juneau, and Sitka. Now as far as the towns themselves, yeah, we browsed around a bit, shopped a little, did the tourist thing, but only the bare bones minimum...time fillers really. You see, the best part about Alaska is Alaska, so take advantage. In Ketchikan, we decided to take the Aleutian Ballad crab boat tour...after watching the guys on TV for so long and getting to know a few of them, we wanted to in some very, very small way experience what they do day in and day out. We were met by Capt. David at the dock and made our way down to the boat where we jogged out a few miles into the misty waters surrounding Ketchikan. There we watched as crewmen Kiwi and Terry brought in pots of crab, adorably dorky Ratfish, angry octopi, and eagles lured with fish. We handled the catch, feeling the sharp spines of the crab and slimy bodies of the fish. We interviewed the crew, I threw the hook and Jenny brought it in...we ran all around the boat, goofed off in the wheelhouse...and possibly made some interesting new business contacts. After our crabbing adventure, it was off to Orca Corn, a small establishment slightly off the main drag that makes the best caramel popcorn I've ever had.


Juneau, the state capital! Yes, I did see Sarah Palin's house...well, the Governor's mansion...no, I could not see Russia from there. Jenny and I decided the order of the day should be some sweet, sweet kayaking so off we went! We hit Douglas, Alaska and the lake. Once we suited up in our raingear, we were off...now, by we were off, I mean the current in the lake was very strong and steering the kayak was ridiculous for the first part of our journey. Once we got it under control, it became awesome. We were literally only feet away from eagles and harbor seals. Right across from us was Mendenhall glacier...an astounding site. The cloud cover was heavy but not so heavy that it obscured the view. Overall, it was an amazing day on the water and we didn't even tump the boat! After that we invested a little time with Dragan and some other folks from the crew of our ship at the Viking Bar downtown. Juneau, it's a fun town, especially with the right activities and people.

Sitka. I loved Sitka. I don't know if it was the island aspect or the adventure, but I loved the place. I visited the surf shop, picked up a nice Euphoria shirt ("Euphoria-the first stage of hypothermia") and wondered around taking in some of the Russian atmosphere. When you think of Alaska, you naturally think of snorkeling right? Well, Jenny and I did. We did what is known as a "dry suit snorkel" in which, put on what has to be the most flattering outfit every to grace the human frame. It consists of a fleece onsie over your street clothes, and a waterproof insulated suit with enough bagginess to allow for movement...Stacy and Clinton would be so proud. Granted, if you want to survive your swim, you suck it up, suck it in, and put it on. The snorkeling was awesome. It was a classically gray Alaskan day with a slight wind, you could feel the chill in the water through the suit, but not badly. Once you dip your face below the surface, an entirely new world emerges filled with starfish the size of dinner plates, hermit crabs, kelp forests, nudibranches, abalone, and fish zipping here and there. I was surprised at the heft of the sunflower sea star but also at it's vibrant blues and pinks...who knew what lurked down there! (No salmon sharks or whales today though!)

Our last port of call left my beautiful Alaska behind and dropped us into Victoria B.C...Canada, eh! Victoria was GORGEOUS! The flowers and gardens everywhere were stunning. Now, Jenny and I made a great friend on the cruise named Emilie a Victoria local, and we just walked around town taking pictures and being again...ridiculous. We watched the Snowbirds perform...no, I'm not talking about a group of active senior citizens. The Snowbirds are Canada's answer to the USA's Blue Angels, and they were awesome with their aerial stunts. Also, as it turns out, after the failure of the Empire, Darth Vader has taken up fiddling on the main drag of downtown Victoria...who knew?

All in all, the trip was awesome and it left us with memories that we'll always cherish. Sad thing is, this is just the...if you'll pardon the phrase, the tip of the iceberg. We saw things few people will ever see, we did things few people will ever do and we let ourselves enjoy this grand old world that God gave so graciously gave us...who could ask for more than that?